Keeping a somewhat straight face, Swalwell cut the cheese, butt-belched, passed gas, delivered a rectal honk, a trouser cough, a sphincter whistle, singed his drawers, and cemented his legacy forever as Washington’s most famous farter. And, Twitter went bananas!

“Some of you have accused me of being a traitor to my country, a Russian asset, a Trojan horse, or a useful idiot, I think was the term that you used,” declared Gabbard, directing her comments to Behar, seated beside her, “which basically means that I am naive or lack intelligence.”

Senate Democrats can convict President Trump in the impeachment circus only if they can convince at least 20 GOP senators to vote with them to convict. Given the support Senator Lindsey Graham has received among 50 Senate Republicans for his resolution to condemn the kangaroo proceeding, it appears impossible.

Scott’s goal was to ensure that patrons at Starbucks were registered to vote at their current addresses. The fact that he chose a cafe typically dominated by liberals makes it clear that he was also looking for independents and Democrats to convert to President Trump’s pro-America agenda.

Well, apparently, the Democrats have run out of willing liars, so they must now make them up. Why do you think the identities of the whistleblowers has been kept Top Secret? BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST!!!! Steaming Pile of Schiff is the whistleblower. He is all of the anonymous whistleblowers.

In a White House press conference, President Trump reported that he believes the author of the whistleblower complaint is Congressman Adam Schiff, who “helped write it,” according to the president. “It’s a scam,” he insisted.

The anonymous person who filed a formal, uncorroborated complaint against President Donald Trump for allegedly asking a foreign leader to investigate corruption related to Joe Biden now has a legal team that includes a Democratic operative who worked for Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.).

And Trump is the only guy who seems to understand what the people want.. We’re sick of politicians, sick of the Democratic Party, sick of the Republican Party, and sick of illegals!.. We just want this thing fixed..

So, CNN’s Martin Savidge schlepped to Democrat stronghold Minnesota to see how residents there feel about national politics and President Trump. The mayor of Eveleth, Minnesota, himself a longtime loyal Democrat, said it best: “He’s our guy.”

After briefly coming to the rescue to ease the tension, chief sweathog Whoopi was interrupted by McCain, again lamenting her position as the “sacrificial Republican every day.” “Awww,” teased Behar, feigning pity, to which the infuriated McCain responded, “Don’t feel bad for me, bitch. I’m paid to do this.” 

Photo, above: Orlando Trump-hater attempts to steal a Trump yard sign from his neighbor’s yard, only to be shocked by the inhospitality of his neighbor, who not only electrified the sign but also videotaped the attempted theft, then had the would-be thief arrested and charged with trespassing.

Speaking of career parasites, where has John Kasich been? He’s been gearing up for a potential primary run against President Trump in 2020. Kasich might want to slow down a bit and check out his popularity compared to President Trump’s in his own home state of Ohio first. Not good news for Kasich!

I missed Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes as I am garbage-intolerant and stay away from sickening displays of Hollyweird narcissism where rooms full of self-proclaimed beautiful people stroke one another for hours, breaking from their mutual adulation only long enough for an occasional slam of President Trump.

Oprah is a hapless babe in the woods, who has nary a clue of what is in store. She is a crier, and crying always looks like capitulation. Incumbent Trump will kick her to the political curb. So, yes, by all means, Democrat Party, run Oprah if she is the best you have, which is, in itself, a shame.