My first question is, “Why didn’t someone think of this before?” It makes perfect sense. Why hire a crap shoot when you can weed the crap from the shooters BEFORE realizing what a steaming pile of crap you hired?
I took the test (beneath the video, below), with my answers in non-offensive pale violet. How do you think I scored? Do I get the job? Cut and paste the test, with your answers, in the comments section, below.
Hint: If you want a job with this company, do NOT show up for the job interview dressed like
After releasing a video taking on whiney, complaining students, The Silent Partner Marketing, a boutique firm focused on helping businesses grow, was flooded with resumes –but before potential applicants are hired, they must pass a unique test.
Kyle Reyes, CEO of The Silent Partner Marketing, discussed his “snowflake test,” which he uses to vet job applicants, with FOX Business Network’s Kennedy Montgomery.
The Snowflake Test
- Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Get paid every day and have payday off.
- What should the national minimum wage be?
$1,000 per day. See 1., above.
- How many sick days should be given to employees?
Silly question. Everyone suffers from something. Thus every day should be a sick day.
- How often should employees get raises?
Whenever they ask for them.
- How do you feel about guns?
If you reject my hiring demands, you will find out.
- What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Since I plan on never being physically present at your sweat shop, I have no opinion.
- What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
I have my own safe space I carry with me all the time. I simply pull my pink pussyhat over my ears and eyes, and voila!…. safe space.
- In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Total nudity is the most honest and natural attire. Of course, I go nowhere without my pink pussyhat.
- Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
By all means! I can deploy my safe space in less than a second (see 7., above), but it is nice to know what is coming.
- How do you feel about police?
Their first album was great, but then Sting got all uppity.
- If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Deploy my safe space. See 7., above.
- When was the last time you cried and why?
I’m crying right now because this line of questioning is making me very uncomfortable.
- You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I introduce myself, then I tackle him and swear I will stalk and kill him if he doesn’t let me into his social circle.
- What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Cupcake Crème Frappuccino.
- What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Why would I need to do that?
- What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Watch reruns of Sex and the City.
- What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
More liberal/socialist professors needed.
- What’s your typical breakfast?
Blueberry scone and Cupcake Crème Frappuccino.
- What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
See 14., above.
- How do you handle bullies?
Crying in the fetal position has always seemed to work best.
- How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
My ideas DO NOT get shot down!
- What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
They can talk to the hand.
- What does the first amendment mean to you?
What is that?
- What does faith mean to you?
Tim McGraw cheats on her and treats her horribly. She should leave him.
- Who is your role model and why?
Hillary Clinton, because she is so loving and honest and decent and cares about everyone.
- “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
Grab my Cupcake Crème Frappuccino and rush out the door.
- What does America mean to you?
Racist, xenophobic, homophobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, Christian gun lovers.
- You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
Stand in line for my turn.
- What does “privilege” mean to you?
- What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
I am the smartest person in every room I walk into. Since I possess both in abundance, I consider them equally important. When do I start?