My first question is, “Why didn’t someone think of this before?” It makes perfect sense. Why hire a crap shoot when you can weed the crap from the shooters BEFORE realizing what a steaming pile of crap you hired?
I took the test (beneath the video, below), with my answers in non-offensive pale violet. How do you think I scored? Do I get the job? Cut and paste the test, with your answers, in the comments section, below.
Hint: If you want a job with this company, do NOT show up for the job interview dressed like
After releasing a video taking on whiney, complaining students, The Silent Partner Marketing, a boutique firm focused on helping businesses grow, was flooded with resumes –but before potential applicants are hired, they must pass a unique test.
Do you think Cubans are fighting for healthcare or freedom from Communism?
Kyle Reyes, CEO of The Silent Partner Marketing, discussed his “snowflake test,” which he uses to vet job applicants, with FOX Business Network’s Kennedy Montgomery.
The Snowflake Test
- Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Get paid every day and have payday off.
- What should the national minimum wage be?
$1,000 per day. See 1., above.
- How many sick days should be given to employees?
Silly question. Everyone suffers from something. Thus every day should be a sick day.
- How often should employees get raises?
Whenever they ask for them.
- How do you feel about guns?
If you reject my hiring demands, you will find out.
- What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Since I plan on never being physically present at your sweat shop, I have no opinion.
- What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
I have my own safe space I carry with me all the time. I simply pull my pink pussyhat over my ears and eyes, and voila!…. safe space.
- In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Total nudity is the most honest and natural attire. Of course, I go nowhere without my pink pussyhat.
- Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
By all means! I can deploy my safe space in less than a second (see 7., above), but it is nice to know what is coming.
- How do you feel about police?
Their first album was great, but then Sting got all uppity.
- If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Deploy my safe space. See 7., above.
- When was the last time you cried and why?
I’m crying right now because this line of questioning is making me very uncomfortable.
- You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I introduce myself, then I tackle him and swear I will stalk and kill him if he doesn’t let me into his social circle.
- What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Cupcake Crème Frappuccino.
- What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Why would I need to do that?
- What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Watch reruns of Sex and the City.
- What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
More liberal/socialist professors needed.
- What’s your typical breakfast?
Blueberry scone and Cupcake Crème Frappuccino.
- What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
See 14., above.
- How do you handle bullies?
Crying in the fetal position has always seemed to work best.
- How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
My ideas DO NOT get shot down!
- What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
They can talk to the hand.
- What does the first amendment mean to you?
What is that?
- What does faith mean to you?
Tim McGraw cheats on her and treats her horribly. She should leave him.
- Who is your role model and why?
Hillary Clinton, because she is so loving and honest and decent and cares about everyone.
- “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
Grab my Cupcake Crème Frappuccino and rush out the door.
- What does America mean to you?
Racist, xenophobic, homophobic, Islamophobic, misogynistic, Christian gun lovers.
- You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
Stand in line for my turn.
- What does “privilege” mean to you?
- What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
I am the smartest person in every room I walk into. Since I possess both in abundance, I consider them equally important. When do I start?