Local governments. Aren’t they cool? Little piss ant tyrannies with nary a career parasite on the payroll who understands the United States Constitution nor their own duties thereto and restrictions thereby. “They OWN you,” declared George Carlin.

Yet, we invite more and more government restrictions into our already overburdened lives every day, from local government to state government to federal government.

Thankfully, we Yanks aren’t as stupid our European cousins who voluntarily formed yet another layer of government, the European Union, to lead them around by their uppity noses, open their borders to unvetted savages who hate them, invasive parasites who come to suck the generous welfare teets of Frau Merkel, and destroy the respective national and cultural identities of Europe’s once-sovereign nations.

We Americans have little room to boast, however, as we have also voluntarily surrendered our individual liberty to an extra layer of government, the homeowners’ association, bizarre little committee-driven oligarchies, founded upon the principle of communism.

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My wife and I bought a house a few months ago in a homeowners’ association. We were not excited about surrendering our liberty to a neighborhood board, but we loved the house and thought, ‘how bad can it be?’

It’s bad! Horrible!

Shortly after moving in, my wife and I were discussing ideas to improve the look of our nice brick home. We agreed that stone accents here and there would be attractive and add much needed curb appeal. We also noticed that everyone in the entire subdivision had exactly the same mailbox and we wanted something a bit nicer than a black plastic mailbox. We thought a stone and brick pillar with a copper mailbox insert would be nice.

Not long ago a neighbor who is also a board member happened to be walking by our house when my wife and I were in the yard. We asked his opinion about the improvements we were considering.

“Nein!” and “Nein!” came the reply from our Nazi neighbor. We were reminded that we live in Cookiecutterburg. We must all obey and conform and be exactly alike.

I figured our plan for a pair of wooden carriage doors to replace our stark white steel garage door would be out of the question also, but I asked anyway. He looked at me pitifully like I was a four-year-old demanding a shot of liquor and the car keys.

Enough about my problems. Check out this local government comedy in Austin, Texas.

Asked by the local school board to help choose a new name for the local Robert E. Lee Elementary School because we must forget American history,  the name the locals chose overwhelmingly was “Donald J. Trump Elementary School,” which greatly disappointed the board. So, they chose “Russell Lee Elementary School.”

Many locals understood the farce and decided to have a little fun with it.

AUSTIN (KXAN) — The recommendations for the future name of Robert E. Lee Elementary in Austin were released, Friday.

On March 28, the Austin ISD board voted to rename the school, after hearing feedback from the community and school parents. While the board asked for recommendations, they will have final say on the name, regardless of number of nominations.

Security has been increased at the school as a precaution.

Top 10 renaming recommendations — sorted by most nominated:

  1. Donald J. Trump Elementary: 45 nominations
  2. Robert E. Lee Elementary: 34 nominations
  3. Russell Lee Elementary: 32 nominations
  4. Harper Lee Elementary: 30 nominations
  5. Elisabet Ney Elementary: 15 nominations
  6. Lee Elementary: 13 nominations
  7. Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance: 8 nominations
  8. Waller Creek Elementary: 8 nominations
  9. Dr. Frances J. Nesmith Elementary School: 7 nominations
  10. Guy Bizzell Elementary: 6 nominations

Some of the more notable, but less voted names include:

Adam Lanza’s School of Fun, Bee Movie, Bleeding Heart Liberal Elementary, Boaty McBoatface Elementary School, Forgetting the Past Dooms You to Repeat It Elementary, Garfunkel, Hypothetical Perfect Person Memorial Elementary School, John Cena Elementary and Schooly McSchoolerson.

Parents, past students, neighbors and community members are divided on the Confederate general’s role in history, and whether or not the school should bear his name. The school’s name was brought into question after the shooting in Charleston, South Carolina.

The full list of nominations:

Now, if you’ll forgive me, I must polish my jackboots and prepare my uniform. Tonight is the night we all go goosestepping through our neighborhood to German marching music.