I’m sorry, folks, but it is time we had this conversation.
I am sick and tired of wanton killer trucks roaming the streets of the civilized world, free to maim and kill at will. The fact that we have allowed these evil monsters to freely travel our roads and streets is disgusting!
It is time to ban trucks! There, I said it. And don’t be fooled, any truck can kill, from an electric golf cart to a tractor trailer. If we prohibit the purchase of trucks, then trucks will no longer be able to commit their evil deeds.
Unlike guns, which are protected by that vile Second Amendment, there is no protection for trucks. We can ban them today. Our righteous liberal brothers and sisters are working on it now.
Don’t be fooled by the ignorant conservative rhetoric that it is not the trucks at fault, but the drivers. BALONEY! Trucks are evil. Ban them now!
In coordination with the National Anti-truck Society, we have developed a list of dos and don’ts and things to be on the lookout for (listed below) in the interest of yours and your family’s safety. It is our mission to do all we can to protect you from these wicked road monsters.
We hope you find it comforting to know that once trucks are completely gone, you and your family will live the care-free and happy lives liberals have been promising you for decades. In the meantime, we will be vigilant and update the development of our “Truck Ban Initiative” as well as its progress through the halls of Congress.
Be ever wary of trucks that are obviously on the
lookout for prey and make no effort to hide it.
Watch for trucks or vans pretending to be
something else, like an innocuous and gentle
Do NOT fall for the dumb country hick look. It
is a ruse. Trucks that use this disguise are always
highly intelligent and bloodthirsty demons.
Don’t let Grandpa fool you. He has a long record
of vile acts, and is capable of many more before
he is stopped.
Be wary of trucks flashing fake smiles. Run as
fast as you can from this vicious killer!
Likewise, be on the lookout for unusually friendly
greetings from trucks, like, “Gee, Ms. Smith, you
look beautiful today.” Also, run quickly from any
truck that refers to you as “ice cream.” This truck
clearly wants to eat you!
Some trucks abuse steroids and become fearless.
They never hide their true intentions. They are
proud of their monstrous deeds.
Many trucks train religiously, and, no, that is not a
reference to our brothers and sisters in the Muslim
community. That would be be politically incorrect!
With the proper diet and training, trucks become
nimble, athletic killers, like the Ninja dudes who
can kill seven or eight opponents while doing a
series of backflips, each with a full twist.
Watch for trucks with elaborate and excessive
body art. Telltale sign of a cold and heartless killer!
Be very careful if you encounter a very small truck.
Most of these trucks possess a Napoleon complex,
and are extremely dangerous. Known for ruthless
killing sprees, this truck’s bite is worse than its bark!
A voracious carnivore caught in the act!
Finally, the best policy is to stay clear of all trucks.
It doesn’t matter how harmless they look. All of
them are capable of the most heinous acts.