By Thomas Madison

Translation of Hussein’s comments on the Virginia double murder: “If I had a little brother…. No, wait!…. If you morons clinging to your guns and bibles would just surrender those guns peacefully, we could all hold hands and sing kumbaya around the campfire. Then we elitists could lead you off to the slaughterhouse promised land for some of that fine milk and honey you’ve heard tell about, and us elitists wouldn’t have to worry about armed resistance. Win-win! I just love it when a good plan comes together!”