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From the desk of ROTFLMAO, Rolling Stoned does it again, reporting a gang rape that never happened

By Thomas Madison

Keeping itself relevant, Rolling Stone has done it again, this time reporting a gang rape at a frat house at the University of Virginia that apparently never happened. Not surprising, considering Rolling Stone’s record of unethical and irresponsible journalism (I cringe to use the word “journalism” in the same sentence with “Rolling Stone”). Following is a critique by Powdered Wig Society of an original Rolling Stone article from July, 2014, which listed the five most dangerous firearms in America. If it weren’t so sad it would be hilarious.

From the archives. Originally published by Powdered Wig in July, 2014

UPDATE: I noticed that the link at the bottom of my article does not link to Rolling Stone’s original article, but a doctored, papered-over version. I guess the embarrassment of the original article was too much to bear, or Rolling Stone’s editor did his job when he returned from the medical marijuana dispensary. ~ Thomas Madison

By Thomas Madison

Remember this name – Kristen Gwynne. Ms. Gwynne is a writer (maybe not) for Rolling Stone magazine. Her article from July, 2014, “The 5 Most Dangerous Guns in America,” is one for the Alfred E. Neuman Hall of Fame. Written in the Joe Biden style of drunk frat brother who starts writing his semester term paper two hours before it is due, Kristen’s weed-inspired analytical fantasy describes America’s most dangerous firearms as something they are not.

Rolling Stone has never really had what you would call “writers,” but how about an editor? How did this stupid-to-the-point-of-hilarious article make its way to print in such an (cough) esteemed journal as Rolling Stoner? I’m presuming this one slipped through the crack during the period when Rolling Stone’s editor took the week off to get his medical marijuana card renewed.

Ms. Gwynne made many mistakes in this article, but her biggest mistake was putting her name on it.

The 5 most dangerous guns In America, according to Kristen Gwynne and Rolling Stoned:

1. Pistols
2. Revolvers
3. Rifles
4. Shotguns
5. Derringers (That’s right, derringers!)

Among other interesting and useful tidbits of information you will find in Kristen’s article:

1. According to Ms. Gwynne the class of guns known as “revolvers” includes “grenade launchers, shotguns, and rifles.” Good to know!

2. I spent half an hour trying to make sense of this sentence, but got a headache and gave up: “Rifles were created to improve the accuracy of smoothbore muskets, for which the musket ball was often an bad fit due to manufacturing complications.” I also appreciate Rolling Stone pointing out that rifles are so versatile that they are included in two classes of “guns” – “Rifles” and “Revolvers.” (See 1., above)

3. Says Ms. Gwynne, “While high-capacity-magazine assault weapons have bee linked to large numnber of mass shootings…”

WHAT?!!

I believe Ms. Gwynne has given new meaning to the term “high-capacity magazine,” which is clearly the category of magazine to which Rolling Stone belongs, lending further credence to the argument that stoned writers are unable to proofread.

Not to be outdone, Powdered Wig Society has conducted exhaustive research, compiling its own Top 5 Dangerous Guns list….

The 5 most dangerous guns in America, according to Powdered Wig Society:

1. Guns that go off while being pointed at you
2. Guns with bullets in them
3. A loaded shotgun in the hands of Joe Biden
4. An unloaded shotgun in the hands of Joe Biden
5. Any gun in the hands of a Rolling Stone writer

joe

Other recent Top 5 lists by Powdered Wig include….

Top 5 Most Dangerous cars:

1. Cars on fire with stuck seat belts

2. Cars with wheels

3. Cars with no brakes traveling down steep mountains

4. Soccer Mom Volvo with seven screaming kids in the back

5. Any car being driven by a Rolling Stone writer

congress

Top 5 places you can be a total moron and get paid:

1. Rolling Stone

2. See 1.

3. See 1.

4. White House

5. Congress

mad_dog

Top 5 most dangerous dogs:

1. Chihuahua with a Napoleon complex

2. Freshly-neutered Pit Bull

3. Snoop Dog

4. Rottweiler when you are too close to his treat bowl

5. Horny Great Dane

Link to the Rolling Stone article:  http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/pictures/the-5-most-dangerous-guns-in-america-20140714

Ex-Army officer and stone-cold patriot, Thomas Madison is on a mission to contribute in any and every way to the restoration of and strict obedience to the United States Constitution, that divinely-inspired, concise, intentionally and specifically broad (wrap your head around that oxymoron) blueprint which has gifted the world with the concept and realization of individual liberty and unlimited prosperity. We, as a nation, have lost our way. We have spent the past one-hundred years attempting to fix what was never broken. As with building anything, when you can't figure it out, consult the blueprint. So too with rebuilding America, the blueprint for which is the United States Constitution.

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