Powdered Wig Society

By Thomas Madison

I’m actually surprised that King Hussein hasn’t pinned four stars on this clown already, and made him the Czar of Gun Confiscation. The good colonel looks a bit long in the tooth, but surely he hasn’t forgotten the oath he took to “support and defend” the Constitution of the United States. LTC Masturbateman may want to take another look at that oath.

Just for you, colonel. I suggest reading it slowly, several times:

“I, _____, having been appointed an officer in the Army of the United States, as indicated above in the grade of _____ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter; So help me God.”

Among the more egregious statements made by LTC Masturbateman in an article he wrote in Esquire magazine:


“We will pry your gun from your cold, dead, fingers. That is because I am willing to wait until you die, hopefully of natural causes. Guns, except for the three approved categories (muskets, double-barrel breech-loading shotguns, and bolt-action rifles with a magazine capacity no greater than five rounds) cannot be inherited. When you die your weapons must be turned into the local police department, which will then destroy them.”

That is all warm and cozy and kumbaya, colonel, and it is also ignorant. You claim to be such an astute historian, yet you have absolutely not a clue as to the success of former matters of forced government prohibition (see: tyranny). How well did it work out for alcohol? Here let me help you: IT DIDN’T!!!! It created a criminal underworld, made the world more dangerous, invited corruption at every level of government, and made bootleggers and moonshiners very wealthy (Jack Daniels began as a moonshiner).

How about the War (prohibition) on Drugs? How is that working out? How stupid could you be to not see the ultimate ( and historically proven) result of prohibition? Marijuana (prohibited) is as easy to buy as tomatoes at a farmer’s market. It has created an organized crime network far worse than the network that existed under the prohibition of alcohol. We have bloodthirsty cartels, inner-city gangs, ghetto millionaires, and South American billionaires, not to mention leading the world, by a long shot, in the per capita incarceration rate.

I understand how difficult it may be for you as you push your little plastic toy soldiers around on your desk, but please THINK before you write! History has proven that prohibition DOES NOT WORK! Not for alcohol, not for drugs, not for guns. What will be created is a robust, corrupt, possibly bloodthirsty black market for firearms. If you believe that depriving decent, law-abiding citizens of weapons to protect themselves will be a societal benefit, then you must be on “prohibited” drugs and completely ignorant of history.

I don’t know who your boss is, LTC Masturbateman, but I would like to. For him to allow you to spew your unconstitutional garbage does not reflect well on him. You should be immediately relieved of whatever mess hall duty you are now pulling. You are a disgrace to the uniform.

Many thanks to those who corrected me on the photo I posted. I think I have the right LTC Bateman this time.

Masturbateman’s Esquire article here…. http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/bateman-on-guns-120313