BREAKING: From our Science and Technology desk…. new, deadly element discovered. Avoid at all cost. Contact with this element, closely related to plastic, induces nausea and chronic stupidity….
PELOSIUM – THE MOST DENSE ELEMENT EVER FOUND
From Lorra B., Silent Soldier
PELOSIUM:
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium.
Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 223 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol of Pelosium is PU.
Pelosium’s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isotopes.
The characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. Author, unknown.
Please, use caution when coming into contact with this unstable matter.
